Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I'm Just Seeing Cabin in the Woods????

Let me start by painting a little fantasy for you:

Let's say that I am a producer of movies. And let's say Quentin Tarantino came in and asked me for some money for a movie. My reply would be: "Well, Q. You're sort of hit or miss. How about you send me the script, tell me who you have on board to star in your little feature, and a full budget. You're going to have to give me some serious evidence before I give you any money."

If M. Night Shyamalan came in and asked for money I wouldn't even talk. I'd stand up and punch him in the face. And as he was crawling away with blood pouring from his nose I'd say to the crowd, "That was for Avatar: The Last Airbender." I'm sure there would be applause.

But if Joss Whedon came in, he wouldn't even get to his first three words. I'd give that genius bastard every penny in my coffers. And then I'd rob a bank and send that his way as well. He could come in and say, "Hey Geraud, I'm thinking of writing a movie about a monkey turd that somehow comes to life and gains super powers and decides to save the monkey that "birthed" him from poachers."

For that, I would rob TWO banks.

"Great. Monkeys get to be the butt of the joke...again." Signed: Random Monkey.

I had my doubts about Cabin in the Woods. I mean, I love a good horror flick. I hate teen horror. I care about Jason Voorhees about as much as I care about what Celine Dion is doing these days. I thought Cabin was like that. I was SOOOOO mistaken.

Warning, Will Robinson. I won't spoil the end, but I think some of what's great about the movie is the twist on it and I WILL talk about that. If you don't want to know, STOP READING NOW.

Alright, now that those losers are gone, let's talk:

I was blown away by this movie, my friends. Partly because of Bradley Whitford. Love watching him react to things. I could watch a whole hour-long show called "What Did He Just Say?" In said show, Bradley Whitford's character would stand in a room and listen to people talk and he'd react to whatever they said. I'd watch all day long!

"Not for nothing, but I think it's statin' the obvious when I say that is a fine idea of a show."

The concept of this movie is pretty much this: YES, horror movies are crazy. They have to be. That shit is real!!! Every major nation of the world regularly tries to kill off a party of hapless teens. The ritual is important. Why??? Because it's the only thing that will appeal to some Cthulhu-esque gods buried under ground!! Of course!

Watching all the versions of horror movie monsters was fun. Watching the insane death scenes near the end was one of the greatest things in the universe. As of right now, my favorite scene in any movie is when the guards are all standing in the hallway between two walls lined with elevators. Their guns are drawn and they are hunting out heroes down. The elevators all ding. There is the perfect length of silence before all the doors open at once and a half dozen different kind of monster leaps out and kills everything in sight!

I giggle every time.

TheWife and I both laughed when Chris Hemsworth tried to jump his motorcycle over a gorge. So dramatic. So breath taking. So heroic. So...WALL!! SPLAT!

This one needs to go in the collection. Joss, my hat is off to you. You've done it again. I can't believe I waited so long to see it.



  1. I loved this movie, too! Big win for Joss.

    1. He did good with this one! I may watch it again.

  2. I want to read this, but I haven't seen the movie yet!!!!!!