Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Chariot is Done!

36" x 24"
Oil on Canvas

This has been an amazing adventure. But, all great adventures must come to an end.

The Chariot has been one of the most fun paintings I've ever done. I quite literally cackled madly to myself while working on it. I hope you guys enjoy it even a fraction as much as I have!


Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Search for Aphrodite

11" x 14"
Graphite on Paper

I have been on the search for an Aphrodite. This search is taking up too much of my time. Not on the actual search but on the fear of exclusion. I know I'm over thinking this, but my thought processes go like this:

Aphrodite is the goddess of love and beauty. In my head, she's the perfect woman. Her beauty is the beauty of the ages. Her allure can affect even the other gods! This image is powerful.

Two problems immediately crop up. First, my taste in women is grand. Tall, short, large breasted or small, long haired or short, black or white or Asian or Hispanic or Martian. Ladies, I love you all. The casting of "Aphrodite: the Movie" would be a long, stressful, terrible process.

Wait, take that back. It would be a glorious process! But, the actual choosing of the goddess would be excruciating!

My casting couch would have a dash of this and that.
I drew on many different ideas. Like a port in storm. I...uhh...

And then, there's problem two. The second I put an Aphrodite to canvas, I feel like I've chosen an ideal woman. And that means every other version is now "not ideal." This is a problem only in my own head. At least, I suspect that to be true. I hope that by creating an Aphrodite painting people don't suddenly say, "Ahhh. Geraud's ideal woman is tall with big hips, blue eyes and platinum blonde hair."

I love that. A lot. And it would be my favorite look...on a random Thursday. By the following Monday I'd think Aphrodite should be a small, short-haired blonde with a muscled back and eyes that draw you in like the pied piper. And by that Friday it would be a six-foot tall brunette with breasts designed by Zeus himself and eyes that seem to change color every day.

That last was TheWife, and yes, I've thought about using her as my Aphrodite a thousand times. She's my favorite thing to look at in the whole world. But will people take it seriously, or will they just think I've painted my wife, like a film director who uses his wife for all his starring roles.

There's too much angst about it! I've made it way bigger than it needs to be.

But, I'm getting over myself. I have made a decision...sort of. I've limited my choices. Aphrodite is coming. I think you'll be very pleased.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

New Work in Graphite: Ashley

8" x 11"
Graphite on paper

I've been working on some pencil works just to keep my drawing skills sharp. It's been fun and I plan on doing quite a few more. The one above is of a friend of mine. Keep an eye out for more of these!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Progress on the Chariot III

She's coming along nicely. Here are the latest two sessions. I've made a lot of progress, as you can see from the second image. Already, you can see that she's ready to emerge!

Here, I've added most of the background and the bulk of the chariot. There is a lot of glazing left to do, and some serious shadow and highlight work to do, but she's starting to come together. Still a long way to go, but you can see the destination. Now, I just need to refine!

Want to see all of the progression in one place? Don't worry. I'll be putting together all of the progression shots on the website as soon as the painting is finished. And, a new video will be coming soon.


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Progress on the Chariot II

Just a quick update on the progress of The Chariot. A bonus for those of you who check the blog regularly...or for those who come back and look for things they may have missed.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Progress on The Chariot

This is the face that will make you want to do things that you know you shouldn't. It is the face of fate, and control, and grandeur. This is the face that will haunt you, that will make you dream of promises that can't be kept, that will offer you things that you couldn't possibly handle.

Or, maybe I'm wrong about you. Maybe you can handle them just fine. If so, follow her. Listen to what she has to say. Look her in the eye and tell her you're ready.

Go on. I dare you.

The Chariot is well under way. It's both inspiring and intimidating. But I'm not afraid to listen to what she has to say and I keep carving her out of the canvas. When she finally emerges I think she will change my life. I'm hoping she can do that same for you.


Friday, August 10, 2012

New Work: Tiger

6" x 8"
Oil on Canvas Board

Yes, my friends, I'm still doing some small works, even while I create my masterpiece, THE CHARIOT. I don't know about other fact, this may be a glimpse into the vanity that is me...but there are two types of paintings in my barn or creativity. There is the painting that begins with, "I think this painting will be fun/adorable/inspirational/energetic."

And then, there is the painting that begins with, "oh please, please, please let this one be the one that people talk about in college art history classes in 2096. Let this one be the one that people talk about when they say 'Rubens was a great master of the human flesh...until his title was snatched from him by Staton, an artist from modest beginnings, who led a quiet, humble life.' "

When people of the future are living in the Matrix, or on Mars, or under the sea, I want this painting to be coveted by all. For the longest time, SIRENS was that painting for me. I don't know if the people of 2096 would agree, but it is still one of my favorites, if not my all time favorite painting.

Not just a favorite painting, but three of my favorite people!

Well, here's a preview of THE CHARIOT. This is as of two days ago. I've done some work on it, filling in the flesh and doing some work on the dress. But you'll have to be patient for those pics. For now, just the initial painted sketch.

If a superior piece of art is a masterpiece,
is an inferior one called a slavepiece?

There's one other phrase I repeat to myself, along with the 'college art history' mantra, and it's been playing in my head for days now...

"Oh please please please, don't fuck this up!"


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Bigger Really Is Better

6" x 8'
Oil on Canvas Board

The hits just keep on coming! Here's the latest in the smaller works. I'm loving working on these while I take a break from the larger works. Right now I'm working out some kinks in The Chariot, but it should be done by the weekend. It's going to be a massive 24" x 36" beauty. Can't wait to see it completed!

Mr. Grumpy is lovely, too. Don't mean to steal his thunder. He already looks like he has issue with me. I think he's upset because he wanted to be bigger than 6 x 8". I told him that a LOT of people are upset because they want to be bigger than they are. That did not make him feel any better. I recall that this also didn't make my friends LittlePetey and TinySasquatch feel any better either. Maybe I should look for a different argument.

It would also help if, when I see them, I don't say in a sweet voice, "Hey there, little fella."

We all want to be bigger. Dudes want to be bigger in the pants. Well, 93.6% of dudes want to be bigger in the pants. 4.2% want to have smaller tools. 2.2% refused to answer my survey, though they did look a little sheepish when I brought it up. Like Mr. Grumpy, TinySasquatch, and LittlePetey, I can't help them either...unless these ads that show up in my hotmail account are to be believed. If so, then line up and...

Wait, what am I saying??? I don't want anything to do with that line! Line up if you want to, but all you Skippers and your Little Buddies are on your own. I'll be in the line with the 86.3% of women who want bigger breasts. I don't have any experience with breast enlargement, ladies, but I have a few experiments I'm willing to try!

(Editor's note from TheWife: You have my permission, but for every 1 woman you "assist" then you're going to have to assist 2 gentlemen. Line up, everyone!)

(Writer's response: You ruin everything! And you're not the editor.)

(Editor's response: Fine. Then how about I put the three misspellings and put "THEN" back when you actually meant "THAN". Twice.)

(Writer's response: Ummm...thanks, honey.Look at me! I'm being the bigger man!)

Anyway, all this talk about being bigger makes me want to have a bigger breakfast. That dry toast is NOT hitting the spot. Something a little bigger than that would be greatly appreciated. Maybe pancakes! With bacon! And chocolate pudding!

(Editor's note: Talk about being the bigger man)

(Writer's response: STAY OUT OF MY BLOG!)

(Editor's response: Did you just raise your voice at me?)

(Writer's response: What? No! I...put the caps lock on by mistake. I the laundry and must have hit it I saw some roses that I wanted to buy you...and

None of this will make TheWife very happy. But, you know what. It's my blog. She has nothing to do with it. Why? Because I wear the big pants in the family.

(Editor's note: Yep. He wears them right to the sink where's he's now washing dishes.)

Thursday, August 2, 2012


12" x 12"
Oil on Canvas Board

Another in the Scotch and Cigar series. I'm spending insane amounts of time in the studio trying to create new works. I'm having a great time at it! And thanks to KidVideo I'm no longer doing it in 95 degree heat.

Our A/C went out and while I save up my bones to get a new, super deluxe model, KidVideo is lending me a window unit. We have two in a house that isn't particularly large. Two window units seem to be the perfect amount. I went for a run this morning using the Zombies, Run app on my phone.

The story so far: After my helicopter crashed in the woods...rather, was shot down by unknown attackers...I went on a run to a little town that seems to be protected from the Zombies. Before I got there, I was able to get some supplies from a hospital and pick up a few extra things on the way. 3 miles later, and I've gotten back to camp. I even managed to get a file from the CDC.

Ok, back to reality. I walk into my house, one that is usually hotter than the world outside, only to find that it was actually too cold for me! My first thought was, "KidVideo, you kick ass!" The second thing I thought was, "My nipples are crazy hard right now. Maybe I should make it a little warmer in here."

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

10 Holidays You Need to Know About!

12" x 12"
Oil on Canvas Board

This is the latest in a series I'm doing of scotch and cigars. I may only do a few of these, depending on their popularity, but I'm having fun with them. I mean, I sort of have to drink the scotch and smoke the cigars in order to do the painting justice. I feel bad about that, but one must suffer for their art.

In case you missed it, July 27th was National Scotch Day. This is a day I have put on my calender since...well, since I found out about it THREE days ago. Here's the problem with a holiday like National Scotch Day: Scotch drinkers are notoriously laid back and the odds of them remembering your birthday, their anniversary or National Scotch Day are just slightly worse than a 3-legged horse winning the Kentucky Derby.

When I found out about my new favorite holiday, I was so busy that I was actually unable to enjoy it. Today, however, I plan on making up for lost time. That means that I have to drink about 6 drams of scotch...on a weekday...probably starting in the morning...but not before taking pictures of each glass so that I can paint them for my fans. Oh, the things I do for my work!

But this isn't ideal. No one wants to miss their favorite lollidray. Sorry, holiday. I might have started already. Nothing like a nice, easy Dewars blended at 8am. Where was I?

Ah, no one wants to miss their favorite holiday. So, I've decided to list for you some holidays that you may not know about. Some of thesshe might become your favorites, just like National Scottish Day is now one of mine. One of thine? One of mind? Why is my glass empty?

1. Backward Day: January 31st
The premise of the day is simple: Do it backwards! Walk backwards, talk backwards, sdrawkcab etirw, play boardgames backwards, run a race from finish line to starting line, wear your clothes backwards. This day is limited only by your imagination. Personally, I'm going to spend the day looking backwards. This would be the wrong day to try following me, CIA operatives...I'm looking at you, Piper Perabo.

Covert affairs? Well, since you asked so nicely.

2. Phil Collins Day: February 15
It's true! There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have reveled in the knowledge of Phil Collins Day. However, if you've read the "Is it Un-American to NOT Love In The Air Tonight" blog entry, then you know that my love for the man has faded, like your grandmother's old crochet pillows. Still, there are others out there who have not heard the news. We should alert them all! Or, we should drink this Johnny Walker Black that I just poured myself.

3. No-Brainer Day: February 27th
This is not a day for idiots. This is not a day that Zombies dread. This is a day for simple tasks, or "no-brainers." If it's easy, do it. Like that "friend" you call every once in awhile. This is not a day for paperwork or solving riddles or studying for economics exams. Let your brain relax. Type-A personalities, put this one on your calendar...and your blackberry...and your google calendars...

4. National Pi Day: March 14 (Get it? Get it???)
This day has been around since 1988. It was officially accepted by the US House of Representatives in 2009. This is the day to celebrate pies, my friends. Make pies, eat pies, throw pies. Just be sure to try something new. Sure, you can have your favorite key lime pie, but try the gooseberry pie while you're at it. Enter a pie eating contest. My favorite: Scotch Pie. Here's a recipe!

5. National Snowman Burning Day: March 20
That's right! It's time to take out all those old snowmen you have in the closet and burn the hell out of them! Wait, no, that's not right. Let me ask this 15-year old Glenfiddich what this day means.
Ah, the Glen says that this is a time for you to put winter behind you. Now, not everyone has snow on March 20th. Here in the great state of Norte Carolina you're as likely to get a meteor in your yard as some snow. But that's alright. Some folks make the snowman out of wood, wire, cloth, etc. It's all about the feeling of it. Make it cool, and then burn that snowy bastard! *urp*

Someone told me there'd be booze!!

6. Go For Broke Day: April 5
Are you a dreamer? Are you a super hero in an old man's body? Do you like gambling? Do you want to talk to that guy in the next cubicle but you're not that kind of girl? Do you want to tell the world you're gay? Do you want to write a great American novel? Do you want to write a great Russian novel? Do you want to be the oldest man to master parkhour? Today is the day, my friend. Today, you take the bull by the horns, point those horns at a china shop you want destroyed, and let that bastard go! Tell the old man what you think of him! Kiss that girl square on the mouth! Walk up to your favorite athlete and shake his hand and tell him/her how much you love them! Streak through downtown! Use all of your inheritance to buy a speedboat! Go out and buy an artist some $1100 scotch!


No, seriously. Go buy that scotch for an artist. Preferably an oil painter. One who blogs.

7. World Sauntering Day: June 19
Get your stroll on! Take it easy. Smell the flowers. Go with the flow. Put some flowers in your hair and slow your stride down, from a caper to a sashay. Try to walk in a straight line. Tell that occifer that you only had 1 drink. I'm gonna saunter over to the freezer and add a cube of ice to my Lagavulin.

8. National Butterscotch Pudding Day: September 19
Bill Cosby is turning over in his grave.

What? He's not dead? Oh. Then...

YAY! Bill Cosby! It's going to be National Butterscotch Pudding Day! Naturally, it's my favorite pudding! My Bill Cosby impersonation is terrible. Here, read this statement in your best Bill Cosby voice:

"I like pudding. I want to get me some pudding. It's National Butterscotch Pudding Day, everybody! Pudding cups and pudding pops and pudding pies. Pudding pudding pudding!"

That didn't sound anything like me!

How did you do? Video it and send it to me and I'll not only post the first three of them, I'll also do a painting of the three people together. That's how drunk I am right now. Get recording! And no, you can't have the painting for free. I'm NEVER that drunk! Send it by 11:59 August 4th and you'll be posted the following week!

9. National Ding-A-Ling day: December 12
No, this is not the day to put your wiener in your friend's fish tank. This is the day to be silly! A real-bell-ringer. There is even a club that is trying to make the word ding-a-ling get more use.

*giggle* I said "ding-a-ling."

DING! Time for more scotch, please!

10. Global Orgasm for Peace Day: December 22
This is my new, second-favorite holiday. It is exactly what you think it is. Wait, I have a soap-box here...

Ahem... "My fellow Americans, non-fellow Japanese, non-partisan Politicians, non-commissioned Officers and non-sequitur Comments. The world is a mess. It is dark and dangerous and foul. Sometimes people do cruel things to one another. Sometimes someone's wife will take away a man's scotch and berate him for drinking at 10 in the morning!

"When you are faced with these adversities and...umm...things that get in your way, or things that hurt you...real have to take action! You have to fight! You have to refuse to cower in the dark like a frightened rat. You must stand up and say, "NO MORE!"

"We must go into our bedrooms, our kitchens, our pantries. We must go to the dressing room of Victoria's Secret. We must find a soft patch of grass in the woods by our house. We must clear off our boss's desk while she is out to lunch. And only when we are at our designated places, then, my people, we must FORNICATE!

"We must rut, like wild pigs. We must hump as if the world depended on us! We must bang our brains out like we were teenagers at a Twisted Sister concert! Or a...Quiet Riot...or...who do kids listen to, today? Justin Beiber? Ok. We must bang our brains out like we were teenagers at a Justin Beiber concert!!

"And when we are about to reach our ultimate destination, when we are about to breach the doors of our sexual enemy, when we are on the edge of pulling a Mount St. Helens, when the Mexican Army is about to pile into the Alamo, only then should you think peaceful thoughts. Only then should you think about happy things. Only then should you put your positive energy into the world. And suddenly, there will be an eruption of love and energy and life so powerful that all peoples of all the world will feel it! And they will rejoice in the power of peace, the power of love!

"And then, some of us, will sleep. A deep, rumbling sleep that will last for a short refractory period, but during that time there will be peace and harmony and love. And there will be much basking."

What's your favorite abnormal holiday? Share it with us all!