Thursday, July 26, 2012

Movement Makes Them Hotter!

12" x 12"
Oil on Canvas Board

I'm really pushing these paintings out. I've been sitting in the studio for half a day at the time. The discipline is good for me, and as you can see I'm really producing a lot of work. And I'm having a great time. I have a lot of people to thank for this push, but at the top of the list goes an amazing artist named Jelaine. I'll be interviewing her soon (even if she doesn't know it yet) so be ready to learn about one amazing artist.

This particular painting was based on the beauty of movement.

How many Hollywood studs or starlets do you have crushes on? (and do they still call them starlets, or was that just a phrase from the days of Jack Benny???)

Do people still say, "Va-va-VOOM!!"?

Now, think seriously. Why do you like them? See, for me, sometimes it isn't how they look. Sometimes, it's how they move. If I had no idea who she was and you showed me a picture of Aubrey Plaza, I would later tell people, 'Yeah, they're dating some brunette. She's cute." And I'd mean it. The girl is cute. I'd put her at a solid 7.

Add movement, though, and you have something different. There's something about the way she carries herself. The confidence, the grace, the athleticism. I could watch her walk around on Parks & Rec for hours, and I don't even like that show.

I could be your sister-in-law.

It works the other way, too. Show me a picture of Zooey Deschenal and I'd tell everyone how how your girlfriend is. Watching her walk around reminds me of a newly birthed zebra. There's no grace. I feel that any  second she's going to twist her ankle. If there was a zombie apocalypse, she would be one of the first ones dead. Hard to be "adorably quirky" when you're getting your eyeball chewed out by a hungry zombie.

It works for men, too. I don't know how many women who have a thing for that ugly sonuva bitch, Viggo Mortensen. If I said, "Hey, you wanna date my brother (obviously a brother-from-another-mother...they don't make us Statons nearly that grotesque)," you'd look at his picture as ask me, "What kind of car does he drive?" If the answer was a '97 Chevy Malibu you'd tell me to get bent.

If ugly was a sin, this dude would burn
like Joan of Ark!

But, if you saw my brother and I having tea at Mad Hatter's then all of a sudden I'd have a hundred new female friends.

"Oh, hi Geraud. I was just thinking about you. How funny. I was thinking about you and here you are. We really need to hang out more often. We have such a good time together. And you're just so, I don't know...amazing. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. Who is this? Oh, hi, I'm Posey Fakesalot. I won't keep you. I have to run to yoga and then my boxing class *hair twirl*  but hopefully I'll see you again while I'm hanging out with my best buddy in the universe. *giggle* Tata."

I'll give you my two extremes, for both sexes. Remember, it's all about the way they move. For the ladies, it's this little stud. I know, not the best looking guy, but I dare you to watch him for a little while and tell me you don't get a stirring in your nethers.

Your safety word is "rat"

That's what all women, gay men and bi-sexuals want, right? Someone who is Marty McFly in the street but Willard in the bedroom???

For the men, it's my all-time favorite. This little lady, this lass, this bird, this delicate little flower...sorry, I'm having trouble typing. All the blood has left my head suddenly.

"You don't get a safety word! Now, go make me pancakes!"
------ Tilda

I'm not saying I would kill a guy. I'm just saying that I think it MIGHT be a valid defense to say, "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I would never have done it. But Tilda Swinton told me to."

I think the judge would shake his head and make fun of me...until she walked into the room. Then, I think the judge would shiver, maybe make a little mewling, whimpering sound, and then dismiss the case.

Then, Tilda and I would live happily ever after...if living in a Scottish castle and hunting young starlets for sport could be called "happily ever after."

How about you? Any crushes based on the way they move? Anyone already hot, but then watching them in action takes them up a bunch of notches?  Share!


  1. I get them all except Tilda! She gives me shivers alright...but not in a good way!

  2. Tracey, give her a chance! She's yummy. You'll see!

  3. Yes! I want Willard in the bedroom! Tee hee!

  4. Not Cool,So So So Not Cool. Whatever Happened to Human Rights.
    "gay men