Monday, July 2, 2012

At the End of My Rope

There are lot of things you can climb, and some of them are even fun. You can climb the corporate ladder (not fun unless you like being lapdog to the boss's son). You can climb Mount Everest (also not fun unless you like having your balls frozen like whole pea pods from Costco). You can climb on top of your man (which should be fun unless he just got off work from a cheese factory located in a coal mine, in which case you should let him shower first). You can climb your way out of a financial hole (always good, but please learn your lesson and stop spending your money on gambling and motorcycle parts). 

This week I focus on being able to climb a rope. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's better than climbing the corporate ladder but not as fun as climbing on your man...even though I don't actually have a man. Maybe I should have made all of these things gender neutral. Or, maybe I should include two of every example so that everyone can be a part of the fun. 

Let's see..."lot of things you can climb..." blah blah blah...Ah. You can climb the corporate ladder (not fun unless you like getting groped by the boss whenever no one is looking). You can climb Mount Everest (also not fun unless you like having your junk frozen shut like Wal-Mart clams). You can climb on top of your woman (which should be fun unless she was working in a fish hatchery located in a paper mill, in which case you should let her shower first).You can climb your way out of a financial hole (always good, but please learn your lesson and stop spending your money on expensive bourbon and dominatrix outfits).

That's better. Where was I? Oh, right. Climbing. Why do I want to climb a rope? Because it's part of the Tough Mudder training. 

Obstacle 15: The Rope-A-Dope - A 15' free climb up a rope, just like in gym class!

So, I'm going to hang a rope in a tree in the back yard and start working my way up. You guys are going to love watching this. Close your eyes and try to imagine a 260 lb man trying to shimmy 15' up a rope. I promise to record a few attempts and I'll add some yackety sax to make it extra funny. Oh, how you guys are going to laugh and laugh. Pointing and laughing. Giggling until you pee yourselves. 

Why do I feel sad all of a sudden?

The goal: Be able to climb this thing all the way to the top within 4 weeks. 

What kind of obstacle course workouts are you guys doing? I'd love to hear about them!


10 comments:

  1. My workout consists of the old run, dodge and jump. I run my mouth, dodge responsibility, and jump to conclusions.

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    1. I want that to be my workout. I know for a fact that it's much more fun!

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  2. Oh the video will be great!

    I'm pretty good at climbing things but the single rope always gave me a hard time because my legs were never sure what to do. I suggest wearing gloves. And pants. And maybe a helmet.

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  3. This is off-topic, but your art is amazing. Very impressed!

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  4. Thanks, DJ! I'm honored, and glad you like!

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  5. I like how profound this article is, and how you managed to associate the rope without our everyday struggles and aspirations. We just really have to know what must be done to overcome our very own “ropes”. In practical application, I found an article that effectively teaches how to climb a rope because sometimes we miss the technique on how to do it and I would like to share it here: http://backpackingmastery.com/skills/how-to-climb-a-rope.html

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  6. I'm truly great at climbing things however the single rope dependably gave me trouble on the grounds that my legs were never certain what to do. I would suggest wearing gloves.

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