|Patrick Jane is smarter than you!|
It made me want to write a letter to the writers. I haven't sent it yet, because I'm not a total nerd, but I'm just nerdy enough that I'm considering it. I'll try not to hit with any major spoilers, but it wouldn't hurt if you've already seen the finale. Without further ado, a quick letter to the writers of The Mentalist:
Look, you guys have created a character in Patrick Jane that is of near-Batman proportions. He's a genius, dark, sometimes on the verge of evil. He's possibly the most brilliant man that has ever lived in a reality-based-but-fictional world, on the level with Sherlock Holmes or the niece from Inspector Gadget. I'd bet on Patrick Jane against just about any other fictitious character on television. That is the problem.
In stringing this Red John thing along for all this time, you are saying that Red John is at least as smart as Patrick, but probably more so. He's charismatic, as we can see with all the followers he's gained. And not just general followers, like a group of losers who follow the one guy in the group because he has good hair, despite all evidence that he, too, is a loser. No sir, Red John's followers are die-hard! These people are f'ucking crazy! They will kill you, your family, and your pets. They will dig up your dead pets and eat them and make you watch. They will sit in the dark, flay their own fingers, and paint a pretty picture with the blood. And you will be mesmerized the whole time. And they will not break, no matter what you do to them.
You have made it so that if Red John is anything short of an evil version of Jesus (meaning regular Jesus but with a black goatee) than you are going to let us down. Big time! When you finally reveal Red John to us, he had better be played by an actor of such amazing talent that the viewers want to jump through the screen and become Red John Disciples on the spot! Whoever this poor sonova bitch is, he had better be the greatest actor who ever lived!
|Or, this creepy bastard!|
(Bestest and I replaced "Jumping the Shark," a term from 1977, with "Smoke Monstering" thanks to the world's greatest television let-down. Writers from Lost, what the hell where you thinking??? A SMOKE MONSTER!?! REALLY?? I was expecting Shaggy to jump on the screen and yell, "Zoinks! Like, it's a sma-ma-ma-ma-ma-moke monster, man!" Then Scooby would get all googly-eyed and yell, "Sroke Ronster??" Idiots.)
|This term jumped the shark over a decade ago.|
Where was I? Oh yes... Writers of the Mentalist: DO NOT SMOKE MONSTER US! You have an incredible job ahead of you. Red John had better be all you've made him to be.
Or, as my grandmother used to say, "If you're going to try to get a girl home by telling her you're hung like a horse, you had better take a note from your grandfather: deliver what you promised!"
Thanks, Grandma. Sage advice as always.
Writers, don't let me or my grandma down.
|PS: We could also use more Lisbon shower scenes.|
Geraud "I Want to Be a Red John Disciple" Staton