Monday, April 30, 2012

The Tough Mudder just called you a sissy!

(Be sure to check out the Bonus news at the bottom of this post!)

The Tough Mudder for the Carolinas is October 27th and 28th. I'm signing up for the 27th because I'm sure I'm going to need all day Sunday to recuperate! I may be signing up as an individual, but if any of you care to join me a team option is possible.

I only mention the team option because I was talking to the Tough Mudder the other day. I said to her...what? You didn't know the Tough Mudder was a woman? How could you not? All the signs are right there!

Anyway, I says to her, "Toughie, I'm really about to buckle down and start training. There's only five months between now and our date."

Tough smiles that "I'm gonna work you hard" smile. Then she starts to look a little pinched. Like you just came out of her bathroom wearing her father's bathrobe.

"What's wrong," I say, 'cause I'm caring like that.

She says, "You know...."

Alright, I don't want to mention any names. It's not my place to tell you directly. That's between you and Toughie. For this post I will call you "Gopher."

Ok, so, she says, "You know Gopher?"

"Yeah. Everyone loves Gopher."

"Well, I think Gopher is a sissy."

<Gasp> "Jibba whuuuuuu?"

"Just calling it like I see it, Batman."

(That's her nickname for me. I don't know why.)

She says, "Gopher talks a good game but have you ever seen Gopher actually DO anything. I mean REALLY?"

I shift uncomfortably. I don't like talking about people behind their backs. It's un-American. She sees my discomfort and tries to let me off the hook.

"Look, Batman forget about it. I was talking out of turn. Gopher's ok. Just forget I said anything."

But I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm worried about you, Goph. Goaf. Goeph.

I'm worried about you, Gopher. Just...I don't know. Consider stepping up your game a little bit. Maybe you can join me. You don't have to decide now. I'm signing up in 2 weeks. Let's say...Friday the 11th. If you want to join me, we'll do it together. Just you, me and whoever else wants to join us. There's no timer for the event, so you don't have to worry about looking"slow". We just go out there dressed like ninjas or faeries or power rangers or something and show Toughie that you are a strong, active, dedicated human being.

Then again, I'm statin' the obvious when I say that you don't have to prove anything to her. The Tough Mudder is a bitch!

I think, if you're going to do it, Gopher, you're going to do it because the idea of wearing a Power Puff girl costume, dressing as a barbarian, or getting glammed up like one of the cats from Cats just excites you. I mean, why do you think I'M doing it??? And, for the record, I'm leaning toward dressing like characters from Lost. Anyone got dibs on the smoke monster????


I am fat. I don't care. I'm proud of it. In the middle ages having some extra fat on you showed you were prosperous.

"I eat pheasant, peasant. And you are lucky if you eat at all!"

"Posh. Muffy, look how skinny those homeless cretins are." Titter titter titter.

Anyway, I'm assuming that 5 months of training for an obstacle course is going to change my body shape a little, so starting right now I'm going to take a picture of me every day up until the Obstacle Course. I'm probably not going to be naked so put your tongues back in, pervs. Eventually, I'll string 'em together to make the world's least interesting video, but I have to do something with all this artist creativity.

--- Geraud


  1. So, did you sign up? My neighbor started a team for the Frederick, MD Tough Mudder in September. I'm a sucker, so I'm doing it again. Tony won't join us. He refuses to dress up. Party pooper.

  2. I did sign up. I have a team started, and a group of people who say they are joining me. However, when I go to my team page there is still only me. Ha!