Thursday, April 26, 2012

Top 5 Must-Have Movies from 80s TV Shows

You're saying to yourself: "What the hell does this have to do with art?"

I'll tell you what, Johnny Questions: EVERYTHING. I may actually draw some of these. Who doesn't love drawing fake movie posters???

If I missed any you think we should have, leave 'em in the comment section!

So, without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. The Fall Guy


The Original Premise:
Hollywood stunt legend Colt Seavers (Lee Majors) moonlights as a bounty hunter, accompanied by his cousin and stuntman-in-training, Howie (Douglas "Never Seen Again" Barr). Also accompanied by the always beautiful Jody (Heather Thomas...or as we called her in school: The Yummy Train). You guys can all probably sing the theme song. Go ahead, sing along. "Well, I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've been seen with Farrah."

New Casting:
I hate when they bring back my favorite shows and then make them into ridiculous, un-funny comedies...I'm talking to you, I Spy/ Wild Wild West/ Starsky and Hutch. But this one could use some yucks. I'm thinking we get Bruce Willis as Colt Seavers. He can even do his own stunts. Cousin Howie will be played by the always inept James Franco. Willis and Franco: Comedy Magic. As for our hot-blonde-of-the-day: What's Heather Graham doing these days? She and Ali Larter can duke it out in a jello pit. Winner takes all!




2. Perfect Strangers


The Original Premise:
Speaking of 'yucks..." I know you've all been asking yourselves where Cuzin Larry was. Well, he and Balki are back! It's the Odd Couple meets...umm...another Odd Couple. But with an accent! Larry (Mark Linn Baker) meets his cousin Balki from Mypos (Bronson Pinchot). And hilarity ensues.

New Casting:
If we can't bring the original cast back, then we're going to have to create our own comedy gold. And who better to bring in a new generation than Robert Downey Jr as the straight-laced Larry and that wacky charmer Owen Wilson as Balki. Can he pull off an accent? Who cares? That guy is quirky, like a male Zooey Deschanel!




3. Magnum PI 


Original Premise:
Dude lives with an old man in an even older man's guest house. He wore really tight shorts and usually walked around with his shirt open. I think he cleaned the pool sometimes. But he drove a sweet candy-apple red Ferrari 308 GTS. Oh, and he did PI work...thus the title. Magnum was played by Tom "Quigley" Selleck. Higgins, the first old guy, was played by John Hillerman. No one cares about Higgins. The only other people we really care about are Rick and TC. Rick is a tiny little man who is the "Face" of the group, while TC is the token black guy and flies the helicopter.

The New Cast
This remake is NOT supposed to be funny. I think we should make Magnum this bad-ass ex-special forces lady killer. This movie should be gritty and violent and there will be no...I repeat...NO tiny shorts on anyone! The now kick-ass Thomas Magnum should be played by my man crush, Thomas Jane. I'm secure enough in my manliness to say, "Hubba, hubba, me likey!"


You throw Ving Rhames in as TC and Vin Diesel as Rick and you've got some heart-pounding, explosive filled goodness...why am I sweating?  Ahem...I guess, if we HAVE to include a Higgins, we can use someone interesting. How about Bill Nighy.





4. The Herculoids


Hey, I just love this show! Besides, if you can turn THIS...

Into THIS...



Than you can probably turn a couple of those Fanning kids into THESE...











5. The Greatest American Hero 

This show was made of three kinds of awesome...at the time. DON'T try to relive the glory days. The truth is, this show stank eight ways from Sunday. If you liked it even half as much as I did then you were just as much of an idiot as I was. Do the math!

The Original Premise: 
A teacher gets abducted by aliens and given a suit that gives him super powers. But he lost the instructions! Alack! Lucky for him he has an FBI agent who manages to convince him to keep working out the kinks and become the Greatest Hero. Scratch that. The Greatest American Hero! This show stars William "This show ruined my career" Katt and Robert "Would you Believe I Was On I-Spy" Culp, not to mention the beautiful Connie "Who?" Sellecca.

More than those clowns, the show starred this song. Sing along! You may as well. It'll be in your head for the rest of the day.


The New Cast:
This one was a stumper. Who could we get to carry the greatest super hero torch in the world??? Here's who I went with:

The role of Ralph Hinkley, Greatest American Hero, goes to Will Farrell. Crotchety old FBI Agent Bill Maxwell will be played by crotchety old Harrison "Don't let Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull be my last movie" Ford.  As love interest, lawyer Pam Davis, there were plenty of choices. If I said Sofia Vergara you'd accuse me of playing favorites. Instead, how about stately Jessica "I could play a lawyer better than Denise Richards could play a Scientist" Biel? As understudy, you could use Evangeline "I have two facial expressions" Lilly. I'd pay good money to watch either of them try to kiss Will Ferrell without giggling.



....
Got some better choices? Or movies you think the world needs to see? Leave 'em in the comments section or on Facebook. I'm sure people would love to hear 'em. If I get some good ones I may post them later!

8 comments:

  1. Well yeah you are right. The last three were my favorite. Were those of what you were thinking?

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  2. Yep! I loved all of them. Well, I could have done without Perfect Strangers. Ha!

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  3. Great blog! 2 comments:
    #1, I watched the Greatest American Hero video by Joey "Did aliens come take me away?" Scarbury you put up. I noticed the show was written by Stephen J, Cannell with music by Mike Post. Was there anything these guys WEREN't involved in in the 80's?

    From Adam-12 to the A-Team, 21 Jump St, and The Rockford Files (My favorite), Stephen J. Cannell was a cop-drama writing machine! And Mike Post, besides writing Joey Scarbury's one and only hit, his music was on CHIPs, your favorite-- Magnum P.I., Doogie Howser, and the list goes on!

    #2, I laughed my ass off at your "That guy is quirky, like a male Zooey Deschanel!" take on Owen Wilson!! He's one of my favorite actors and, along with Christian Slater, one of my wife's LEAST favorites!!

    Keep up the blogs, their great reading!!!!!!!

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  4. Thank you! I'm having a great time writing them, and this one was particularly fun. Stephen Cannell didn't stop, did he? One show after the other. It might be legit to say he influenced my life a great deal!

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